Why?
by Fyrewing of CinderClan
Summary: A grief-stricken tale of what Crowpaw felt after Feathertail's death. What did he remember as he sat there, nose buried in her cold fur? What did he wish for? Read, and find out. Rated T for a little violence and death. Please, please, please review.


**Another one-shot, this time for Feathertail and Crowpaw. If you haven't already, check out "Don't Let Go" for Graystripe and Silverstream. Anyway, the song for this one is Why? by Enigma. You probably haven't heard of it, but it's a really cool song and it fits this relationship.**

**Anyway, another sad ending...I just can't quit writing sad stories! Jeez, what's wrong with me? Oh, well. I can't write happy ones, they always end up sucking. Forget about my personal problems, just enjoy!**

Feathertail and Crowpaw: Why?

Sharptooth's snarling face and horrendous growls filled Crowpaw's senses, covering him in a blanket of dread. He was going to die, right here, right now - Sharptooth spared no cat. He knew that by the bloody bodies lying in corners, where Sharptooth had tossed them like spent prey after tearing them apart with claw and tooth.

He couldn't help letting a cry of terror escape him as he pressed himself closer to the wall, even as he tried to stand valiantly to meet his fate. Fear consumed everything, bravery, chivalry...right now he only wished someone would rescue him. Anyone. And he hated himself for thinking that thought.

And then, suddenly, he heard Feathertail's wail as she plummeted down towards the huge lion-cat, spearing him on a spike of rock. Sharptooth screamed and fell writhing to the ground, but Crowpaw had eyes only for Feathertail - only for the way she fell to the ground with a terrible crunch and rolled limp beside Sharptooth.

"Feathertail?" His voice was desperate as he raced to Feathertail, nudging his nose into her fur and feeling nothing but terrible dread. "Feathertail, are you okay?" She didn't move. No, no, no...

A slash in his shoulder was bleeding into Feathertail's silver fur as he began to lick her gently. "Wake up, Feathertail. Please wake up." He was barely aware of Stormfur's presence beside him, as the rest of the cats of the prophecy gathered around as well.

He gasped in surprise and relief as Feathertail shifted and opened her eyes. Shifting them to Crowpaw, she whispered, her voice fading - "Think you have nine lives, do you? I saved you once...don't make me save you again."

"Feathertail...Feathertail, no!" Crowpaw gasped, feeling everything worldly leaving him as Feathertail was doing. The way her voice was fading - it wasn't possible, no, no, no..."Don't leave me...please." The last word echoed harshly from his throat, where he was trying to restrain raw sobs of grief.

"I won't." He had to lean closer to hear her. "I'll always be with you, I promise."

And then - her eyes closed.

"NOOOO!" The raw sobs came, echoing around the cave even louder than Sharptooth's roars of only a few moments before. "No, FEATHERTAIL!"

Even as he screamed, his own thoughts whirled wildly around his head. I never told her how much she meant to me...and I was so grumpy around the rest of the group. So immature, so childish. I was being so unfair to her.

_I was childish and unfair  
To you, my only friend  
I regret, but now...it's too late_

As the Tribe cats celebrated and the Clan cats grieved, Crowpaw remained by her body, his nose pressed into her cooling silver-gray fur. To the other cats it must seem as if he was almost unconscious, lost in his grief, but in reality he was just letting the memories glide in.

Her gentle, patient voice as she taught him how to fish...watching for that silver glimmer in the water that meant food was nearby. Trying to copy her quick, graceful paw as it flashed into the water like the head of an adder, falling into the pool amidst peals of laughter.

_I can't show you anymore  
The things I've learned from you  
'Cause life just took you away_

Why her? Why Feathertail, out of all the cats who could have saved him? Why, why did it have to be her? The cat he cared for most, the only one who had ever understood him. All these selfish thoughts, and all he could do was wonder why...

_I'm asking why  
I'm asking why  
Nobody gives an answer  
I'm just asking why_

I'll meet you in StarClan, he vowed silently. And in StarClan, we can be together forever. No more Clan boundaries, no more Sharptooth, no more warrior code...

_But someday we'll meet again  
And I'll ask you...  
I'll ask you why  
Why it has to be like this_

Oh, Feathertail. Why did you have to go? You left before I could show you that I really was capable of being nice. You taught me that, Feathertail. Without you, I would still be sulking in corners, glaring at everyone who said a word to me...no, without you, I would be dead.

_I'm asking you why  
Please, give me an answer_

Please, Feathertail. Come back. Let this all be a dream, let her just be sleeping...let me open my eyes and she's standing there, smiling at me. Let Sharptooth have never existed. Let it all disappear...

_Many years and stupid fights  
Till we accept to see  
How it was and it'll always be_

Remotely, as if from far away, he sensed someone coming up behind him. It was an effort to lift his head from Feathertail's fur and gaze at the newcomer with tearstreaked eyes. It was Stormfur; his eyes were red with weeping. Through a voice harsh with ill-restrained grief, the gray warrior murmured, "Crowpaw. Are you okay?"

Crowpaw shook his head. His own throat was sore with all of the sobs he had been holding back. "No. It's my fault." He glanced at Feathertail; her fur was wet with blood and tears where his head had lain. Stormfur looked stricken.

"No..." the gray warrior murmured, reaching out a paw, but Crowpaw shook his head and laid it down on Feathertail's flank once more.

_Why it has to be like this  
Why we don't realize  
Why we're too blind to see the one  
Who's always on our side_

Memories. An endless flood of them, pouring through his poor aching head and engulfing him in waves of grief. Feathertail standing up for him when he and the rest of the prophecy cats argued - following him when he leaped across that wide chasm. She had always been standing up for him, all this time, and he had never really realized it. He was so used to being alone and disliked - it was different to be with someone who really, truly cared for and understood him.

And he'd never told her that. Never told her how much it meant. Only continued to elaborate on his own pathetic problems when it was both of them they should have been talking about. He was so selfish...why hadn't he put his own interests aside to make more room for her?

_I'm asking why  
I'm asking why  
Nobody gives an answer  
I'm just asking why_

Now he would never be able to tell her. Never. From death, from StarClan, there was no return. Death may be just another great adventure for the one who left, but for the ones who were left behind, it was a grievous calamity. For Crowpaw - it was the ending of one world and the pending imbalance of others.

_Just tell me why  
Why it has to be like this  
That the good ones disappear  
I'm asking you why_

Why hadn't it been him? Why couldn't he have died? Why did Feathertail have to come along and sacrifice her life for his, the better for the worse? He should have died - no one would have missed him. Only Feathertail might have cast a tear over his grave and cursed her ill luck. But everyone else, even the prophecy cats he'd been coming to call his friends, they would have just bowed their heads in ceremony and went along with their mission.

But for Feathertail - everyone would miss her. Crowpaw, her brother, her friends, her Clanmates, everyone. She was sweet, healing water, while he was harsh, unfriendly wind. You didn't need wind to live - you couldn't live without water. Oh, Feathertail. Why her?

_I'm asking why  
I'm asking why  
Nobody gives an answer  
I'm just asking why  
I'm asking why_

Stormfur nudged him again. Crowpaw resisted the urge to whip around and snap at him. No more of that childish behavior. For Feathertail's sake, he would try to be kinder.

"Crowpaw, it wasn't your fault," Stormfur said, his voice anguished. Crowpaw wondered dully if he was afraid Crowpaw would kill himself. No, of course not. The gray warrior didn't care any more than the other cats. Just kind words, that was all that he would ever do for Crowpaw.

Crowpaw shook his head. "It was, Stormfur. Why couldn't I have died instead?" He saw the shock on Stormfur's face, and knew he was saying exactly what the gray warrior had feared he would say. Did he really care? Had Crowpaw really made that good of a friend?

"Don't you ever say that, Crowpaw." It was Tawnypelt, coming up behind him. The tortoiseshell she-cat's eyes blazed with characteristic fiery anger. "Don't say that ever again. If Feathertail were here, she'd be beating you around the head for that. Since she isn't here, I'll do it for her." She looked as if she would carry out her threat.

Sadness and surprise burst like fireworks in Crowpaw's heart. Did they care that much? Something had been happening between him and the other cats that he hadn't even been aware of. Had he really made friends among them?

He felt fur brush his pelt and turned around to see Squirrelpaw resting her tail on his shoulder. "We're all sad, Crowpaw. You're one of us, don't forget that. Feathertail died to save us just as much as you."

Brambleclaw was sitting just beyond Tawnypelt, staring at Feathertail's body as if he couldn't believe the evidence of his eyes. Finally he lifted his head and croaked, "It wasn't your fault, Crowpaw."

There was no point in arguing anymore. Warmth was spreading gradually through Crowpaw's body, replacing the chill cold of Feathertail's lifeless fur. He had friends. This was amazing. He had friends.

Of course, the grief would never go away. It might heal a little, but the scar would always remain. And when he looked at Feathertail's body again, the blood flowed in the form of tears. This time, he wasn't alone; the Clan cats cried with him.

_Why?_


End file.
